Saying Goodbye
by FringieDemigod
Summary: What if the Eleventh Doctor did what his previous incarnation did before he regenerated? He visits his old companions before moving on to a new face. One-shot. Whouffle/Souffez, Eleven x River Song.


The golden light erupted from his arms, legs and head. He could hear voices of a million people. There was Clara, her beautiful, chirpy voice. Amy and Rory, their voices combined as one. And River's, saying her usual greeting. Other voices of his old companions converge and diverge until his brain was flooded with voices, yelling out to him, bringing him to the verge of insanity.

Then it was over. He opened his eyes and found himself in his beloved TARDIS, the old time machine wheezing and beeping away. He looked at his hands; they were not wrinkled. He touched his face, and studied his features on the small reflecting metal of the railing. He was that old self again. How he was like when he first regenerated into this form. He was young.  
Reality struck the Time Lord as he strode to the console. "Thank you, Sexy," he muttered to the machine, bending down to place a gentle kiss on the console. The TARDIS made a sound somewhere between a puppy's whimper and the wheezing of an elderly man. He smiled, his hand reaching for the lever and pulled. "Geronimo," whispered the man to himself. The TARDIS started to make its usual sound as it dematerialized.

* * *

When he stepped out from the time machine, he realized quickly where he was. Amy's house. Her old, battered house in the little town of Leadworth. He approached quietly. The green orbs peered into the house from the window. A heartfelt giggle made its way up the Doctor's throat as he watched four-year-old Amy run around the living room while pretending to be an airplane. Sounds of "whoosh!" came out from the little girl's mouth while she darted about happily. The carefree, joyful, naïve, young Amy. The thought of where Amy was in the present brought tears to the Doctor's eyes. His heart ached as he recalled their goodbye in the graveyard. The tears fogged his vision and he gasped, unaware that the little redhead had came out of the house into the backyard.  
"Can I help you, sir?" Her meek voice caught the Doctor's attention.  
The Doctor sniffled and raised his hand to wipe away the tears at the brim of his eyes. Amy watched him as he knelt down slowly until he was eye-level with the little girl.  
"Amelia Pond, you're going to have a glorious, beautiful life," said the Doctor.  
"My aunt says I shouldn't talk to strangers. How did you know my name?"  
The Doctor just smiled. He drew out a book from his pocket. Its title read "The Legend of Pandora's Box".  
"Hold onto this, Pond. You'll need it." With that, the Doctor stood up and walked away from the little girl, who peered at the book before looking up again to find the mysterious man gone.  
"Amelia!" came her aunt's voice. The little girl promptly forgot about the stranger as she bounded back into the house with the book grasped tightly in her hand.  
"Amelia Pond," his own voice rung in his head, "a name from fairytales."

* * *

The TARDIS landed again, this time in the not to distant future. The door of the time machine creaked like old wood in an aged house as the Time Lord walked out of the TARDIS slowly. Knowing that he landed in the right place and time, a small smile reached his face as sobs reached his ears. His gaze locked on the little brown-haired boy sitting on a wooden bench in a garden, where a willow tree stood at the edge of the yard. Tears the size of peas dripped from his green eyes to his ragged pants.  
The Doctor approached the little boy cautiously, sitting down on the bench. The little boy didn't lift his head to look at the stranger; he sobbed louder.  
"Is everything alright, Rory?" the Doctor spoke after a while.  
"My friend Alec, he…" the boy couldn't finish his sentence. His voice was horribly cracked and he resumed to his sobbing. Memories of his own children ran through the Doctor's mind before he placed a soothing hand on the boy's shoulder.  
"Rory, what would you want to be when you grow up?"  
The boy sniffed. "I… I wanted to be like Captain Kirk, or Indiana Jones. But nobody's here to dream with me because Alec's gone… I couldn't even help Alec, I-"  
"Rory," the Doctor interrupted him, "you could be a nurse."  
"Nurse?" the young boy's voice cracked adorably, his tears clinging on to his eyelashes as he raised his head to see the Doctor eye to eye.  
"Yeah, a nurse."  
"Why would I want to be a nurse? That's a girl's job," said Rory.  
"Well, boys can be nurses too. You can help people, save them."  
Rory dropped into a muse. "You're right, mister. I should be a nurse." His small hands rubbed away the tears in his reddened eyes as he stood up. "Thank you, mister… How did you know my name?"  
"Magic," smiled the Doctor as he ruffled Rory's hair. The boy grinned at him and ran back into the house. The Doctor assumed that he was going to draw a picture of him being a nurse. He slowly turned to walk back to his time machine again, his heart tugging as he knew it wouldn't be long until he changes to a whole new person and it would be the last times he would step back into his time machine as his present self.

* * *

"Hello, Sweetie." The familiar greeting almost set the Doctor off in tears. Still, he held the urge to cry and lifted his head to grin at his wife.  
"River." The name slipped out of his lips like silk as he grabbed her waist gently.  
"What day is it? I don't recall anything special," River tilted her head.  
"Oh, nothing special, I just… wanted to see you."  
River's eyes narrowed. "Just wanted to see me?" she raised a brow, "you don't do that. I know you."  
The Doctor sighed. "You got me." He closed his eyes in defeat. "I'm from my final day. This is the last you will ever see me."  
"Not for me," whispered River as her heart ached seeing the Doctor's eyes well up.  
"This… is the last time I will ever see you." The Doctor's tears fell as River pulled him in. He rested his chin on her shoulder and tried not to sniff, hoping to remain strong in his wife's presence. River's palm made circles on his back like a mother caressing her child's back.  
"I'm going to miss you, River." The Doctor's voice came out less unwavering than he had thought. It was wobbly and a bit cracked, like little Rory's voice.  
River smiled as she felt him bury his face into her shoulder. She knew he was ashamed of crying and being comforted by a woman. But it didn't matter. It might not be the last time she would see him, but it was the last time he would ever see her. She missed him, and by the Doctor's gestures and hints, she interpreted that she might die some time in the near future. He needed her to be there for him, so she stood still, whispering soothing words into his ear as he wept into her.  
It was a fair three minutes before the Doctor pulled himself together. He pecked River's forehead and resumed his goofy smile, which made the blonde-haired woman smirk.  
"Can I trust you, River Song?" he asked.  
"If you want to," she offered the same answer.  
"For you," he said, handing her a sonic screwdriver.  
"What's this for? It's not like yours, it looks weird," the woman studied the screwdriver.  
"You'll find out soon," was the Doctor's answer. River hesitated for a while before stepping up to the Doctor again and pressing her lips into his. "Goodbye, Sweetie," she murmured.  
The Doctor nodded and downed his head before turning around and heading for the TARDIS, leaving River in tears and a horribly assembled screwdriver. She sighed.  
"You gave me this for a reason," she said as she watched the TARDIS dematerialize, "and I'm about to find out." She eyed the calendar on the wall, the day where she leaves her prison marked clearly with a red marker.  
Tomorrow. Tomorrow would be the day she leaves the prison.

* * *

The Doctor didn't step out of the TARDIS abruptly this time. He leaned on the console, waiting for his red eyes to return to normal. He didn't want the next and last person he would visit to see him cry. He took a deep breath and exhaled loudly.  
Finding his courage, he pushed open the doors. He was looking down a path to a two-storey house. The little road was a mixture of pebbles and stone, while beside it grew a beautiful tree the Doctor had failed to recognize its species. He made it to the end of the path, where a white door stood between him and the person he was about to see. His fingers reached for the bell without hesitation.  
"In a minute!"  
A smile reached his lips as he heard her voice. True, the last time he heard it was about fifteen minutes ago, but this one sounded different, more mature.  
The door swung open and the woman gapped at the man in front of her.  
"What are you doing here?" She hissed at him through gritted teeth, closing the door behind her and pushing him all the way back up the path through the front yard. The Doctor raised his hands in surrender, stopping when he reached the gate.  
"I just though that I'd drop by...?" He whimpered at the angered woman before him.  
"Drop by?" Clara said with a small voice. "DROP BY?!" She then screamed, making the Doctor cover his ears like a little boy being told off by his mother. He did not expect this at all.  
"Have you the slightest of idea how many nights I spent crying myself to sleep? How many times I pray to whatever gods out there that you would change back?! How many times I told my daughter that her father was on a BUSINESS TRIP?!" With each question, the Doctor backed away more from the screaming, red-eyed mess, until she shouted out "daughter".  
"Daughter?" he interrupted, his mind flashing back to the night a week ago. He cleared the thoughts with a series of blinking.  
Clara furiously pointed at the window of the living room, where a girl of eight or nine peered out of at the couple. She had brown hair similar to Clara's, but eyes as green as grass. She had a puzzled look on her face as if she was running through a list of people of who that man outside would be. Being incredibly the same as Clara she dropped the confused look and grinned at him, waving her hand. The Doctor meant to return the wave, but as he looked back at Clara, he found a bent-over, sobbing mess.  
"Clara...?" he lowered himself down to level himself with the crying woman. His hand reached for her shoulder and placed it down gently. He sighed in relief to himself softly; she didn't protest.  
Her body was shaking with spasms as he guided her back up. The woman hesitated before burying her head into the Time Lord's chest, crying into it.  
"Oh, Clara," murmured the Doctor, "I'm so sorry..." The woman replied by gasping gently and putting her arms around him.  
He left after they share a kiss, for he explained why he couldn't stay. Clara had bit her lip gingerly and nodded.  
"Be easy on me when you get back," was all she left him with, along with sad eyes and a broken heart. He never got to know his child. Not even her name.  
He turned around and headed for the TARDIS, but paused all of a sudden. He spun around quickly and yelled her name.  
The woman spun around to find herself in a tight embrace. A smile appeared slowly on her lips as she hugged back.  
"One more thing," muttered the Doctor. He reached into his bigger-on-the-inside pocket and drew out a silver necklace with a golden pendant in the shape of a maple leaf.  
"The impossible leaf, for my impossible girl," he tilted his head slightly and grinned sadly. Clara's eyes watered once again as she took the necklace from his palm, and instead of the two words the Doctor expected, three came out of her mouth. "I love you."  
"Clara," the Doctor started bitterly, "my almost lover, my impossible girl." He caressed her cheek as tenderly as possible. "Does it need saying?"  
He placed a kiss on her forehead and finally gathered enough courage to turn around. Clara's tears fell silently as she watched him walk away.  
"Wait!" The word came out of her mouth before she knew it. The Doctor paused and only turned his head, afraid that he might not be able to leave if he goes back again.  
"Estella," she said, "her name is Estella-"  
"A name that means 'star'," the Doctor finished her sentence, "it's a beautiful name, a brilliant choice."  
"Thank you," Clara only mouthed, for her throat tugged, triggered by the tears in her eyes.  
"Goodbye, Soufflé Girl."  
"Goodbye, Chin Boy."

When he returned to the TARDIS, tears escaped the brims of his eyes. He collapsed onto the metal floor of the time machine and he cried like never before. The TARDIS hummed, as if it was trying to comfort her owner. The Doctor wept as his stomach spasmed, ragged sobs and noises coming out of his mouth. He held his tears once again, while climbing up from the metal and reaching for the switches. He cried in silence as he took his last trip as himself on his beloved time machine.

_**"I will not forget this, not one day. I'll always remember when the Doctor was me."**_

* * *

_I'll find my way to have my turn  
Among the stars, and come home  
To live in a world where  
The earth is still, kept in peace  
And live with harmony  
Facing the facts, I've come to realize, I am all alone  
So I guess it's time to say goodbye  
It's time to say goodbye_


End file.
